Epic Perfect World

halp with poetry QAQ

Offline ☣EvilEye23☣

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Idonotknow..
For some reason, if I try writing stories without it being homework, I auto fail.  :-X I end up too lazy to continue.
So have some crappy poetry. The *** is a line I haven't written yet coz I cannot think of anything QAQ. If anyone has any suggestions please halp QQ

*Homework was technicallly freeform poetry but meh, rhyming sounds good. Plus pickyness = to be 7 stanzas, 4 lines ea, ABCB format, lines 1 &3 same syllable # or 3 has 1 less, lines 2&4 same syllable #. as far as I know. e.e
LightningI—150 wizard
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Offline Resolve

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Roses are red violets are blue,  blood is red and bruises blue date me or else.


We're nothing like God. Not only do we have limited powers, but sometimes we're driven to become the devil himself.

Offline ☣EvilEye23☣

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Roses are red violets are blue,  blood is red and bruises blue date me or else.
Forgot to mention its based on medieval europe's serfs.
._.
LightningI—150 wizard
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Offline Resolve

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Forgot to mention its based on medieval europe's serfs.
._.

welp that changes things give me a moment i come back with some Trademark Axel stuff.


We're nothing like God. Not only do we have limited powers, but sometimes we're driven to become the devil himself.

Offline ☣EvilEye23☣

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welp that changes things give me a moment i come back with some Trademark Axel stuff.
._. no roses plees.
LightningI—150 wizard
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Offline Sleep

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Roses are red violets are blue,  blood is red and bruises blue date me or else.

I'm so done with you, LOL.


You don't want to exasperate GN Sleep  :pig-11: :pig-37:

Offline PlumSauce

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LOL evil! We're doing the same assignment and mine is crappier then yours! You said yourself, perfect rhyming. Dont change >:(
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I have no time for idiots who don't respect my awesomeness -3-

Offline ☣EvilEye23☣

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LOL evil! We're doing the same assignment and mine is crappier then yours! You said yourself, perfect rhyming. Dont change >:(
QAQ
I need that ilne that says "IDKwhattoputher".
Because I got nothing . can't think.
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Offline PlumSauce

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QAQ
I need that ilne that says "IDKwhattoputher".
Because I got nothing . can't think.
i think nothing is good
Xtra - 135 Mystic
I have no time for idiots who don't respect my awesomeness -3-

Offline Meese

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Roses are red violets are blue,  blood is red and bruises blue date me or else.
Your work is unrivaled. Veri gifted sir.

As for the poem, I think that you could make it more vague. You're telling a story through the poem but there are certain bits that don't need to be obviously stated (mostly nearing the end). I think that thematically you could make the poem a bit better, from the general flow of the poem to some of the words you used in there that don't match up with the more formal language in other verses.

^ I just rearranged certain bits and took out the parts that I felt were not as strong or needed to tell their story (this is just what I would like to read). But writing is always tricky because it is based on personal opinion. There is no right or wrong poem or any piece of writing. All you can do is keep writing and you will notice that your writing will evolve.
Last Edit: Sept 23, 2013, 01:28 am by Caffeine

Offline Resolve

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I'm so done with you, LOL.

LOVE ME!!!


We're nothing like God. Not only do we have limited powers, but sometimes we're driven to become the devil himself.

Offline ☣EvilEye23☣

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Your work is unrivaled. Veri gifted sir.

As for the poem, I think that you could make it more vague. You're telling a story through the poem but there are certain bits that don't need to be obviously stated (mostly nearing the end). I think that thematically you could make the poem a bit better, from the general flow of the poem to some of the words you used in there that don't match up with the more formal language in other verses.

^ I just rearranged certain bits and took out the parts that I felt were not as strong or needed to tell their story (this is just what I would like to read). But writing is always tricky because it is based on personal opinion. There is no right or wrong poem or piece of writing. All you can do is keep writing and you will notice that your writing will evolve.
Mm, yes, but europe middle ages during one part (ok, many times really) had black death, that's basically what I was referencing.
(Plus, I need at least 20 lines.)
:/ I would kinda rephrase the second last stanza (I like the last one) a bit, but it takes me like 15 minutes to think it up all over again differently with approx. same message. Because rhyming. E_E

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Offline Meese

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Mm, yes, but europe middle ages during one part (ok, many times really) had black death, that's basically what I was referencing.
(Plus, I need at least 20 lines.)
:/ I would kinda rephrase the second last stanza (I like the last one) a bit, but it takes me like 15 minutes to think it up all over again differently with approx. same message. Because rhyming. E_E
You dont need to come up with a new one! Rearranging your writing will allow you to make the same impact with less informal language. For ex:

For one day, there came the plague,
The Earth's most deadly foe,
It stole their health, their friends, their lives,
And left them filled with woe.

Offline ☣EvilEye23☣

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You dont need to come up with a new one! Rearranging your writing will allow you to make the same impact with less informal language. For ex:

For one day, there came the plague,
The Earth's most deadly foe,
It stole their health, their friends, their lives,
And left them filled with woe.
^Really good..rrearrangement..but..
Does not follow my rhmying patterns.
*sob*s

I'm probably just going to leave those that way T^T what I really need onw tho is something to put in the ***.
Because braindead.
LightningI—150 wizard
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Offline Meese

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^Really good..rrearrangement..but..
Does not follow my rhmying patterns.
*sob*s

I'm probably just going to leave those that way T^T what I really need onw tho is something to put in the ***.
Because braindead.
Foe and woe rhyme o.o
The pattern I noticed was that every second line rhymes.

As for the line you're stuck on, I have no idea =/ There aren't many words that rhyme with ground that would make sense within the context of the verse. Maybe get rid of that verse if you cant come up with a last line that you'd like? Sorry I cant be of more help  :'(