Epic Perfect World

Joke Around, Jump your face off

Offline PlumSauce

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For all those people who've had a rough day and just need something to cheer dem up, THIS is the place for you. POST YOUR JOKES! I wanna hear them! Post something funny and hilarious for the world to see! JOKE AND JUMP PEOPLE! JUMP!  >:D >:D >:D >:D >:D :P :P :P :D :D :D ^-^ ^-^ ^-^ ;) ;) ;) :smiley: :smiley: :smiley:
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Offline PlumSauce

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Dis funny?:
Kid: Bitches be like-
Mom walks in
Mom: BETTER WATCH YO MOTHERFCKIN MOUTH!
Kid:  ???
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Offline PlumSauce

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There were three guys on a plane. One bit into an apple, thought it was too sweet. He threw it out the window. The second guy bit into a lemon, thought it was too sour, threw it out the window. The third guy bit into a grenade, thought it was too crunchy and threw it out the window.
When the plane landed, they got off and saw a lil girl crying. they ask, "lil girl, why are u crying?" She says, " An apple fell out of the sky and hit my cow on the head and now he's dead." Then the men see a lil boy crying. The men ask, "lil boy, why are u crying?" The lil boy says," A lemon fell out of the sky and hit my dog on the head and now she's dead" The men keep walking until they find a blond woman laughing histarically. They ask," woman, why are u laughing so histarically?" She says,"I just farted and that building blew up"

Courtesy of askfm  8)
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I have no time for idiots who don't respect my awesomeness -3-

Offline Mx11y

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You make me laugh more than LaceyPip, thank you!<3

Offline PlumSauce

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You make me laugh more than LaceyPip, thank you!<3
Lol. i lub jokes so i wanted to make a forum on it ;)
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I have no time for idiots who don't respect my awesomeness -3-

Offline PlumSauce

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Have you heard of the new movie constipation? Yeah, it never came out.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''

When the NASA scientists figured out ballpoint pens don't work in space they spent $12 billion and a decade to make on the works in zero gravity, under water, on any surface including glass, and up to 300 degrees Celsius.
The Russians used a pencil

a teacher is standing up at the front of the class, scolding her students
Teacher: You kids drive me strange! When will you learn that its not good to throw paper towels on the ceiling?! Now, if you are an idiot, stand up!
After a while, a little boy stands up.
Teacher: Now tell me young mister, why do you think you're an idiot?
Boy: well, i dont think im an idiot. I just hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.



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Offline PlumSauce

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."
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I have no time for idiots who don't respect my awesomeness -3-

Offline PlumSauce

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courtesy of Perks of being a Wallflower

Sam: Charlie, i'm not a bulimic. I'm a bulimist.
Charlie: I don't know what that is, sorry.
Patrick: she just really Believes in bulimia.
Sam: I LOVE Bulimia!
Last Edit: Aug 18, 2013, 01:42 am by Laurenzo11
Xtra - 135 Mystic
I have no time for idiots who don't respect my awesomeness -3-
A blind man wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a whiskey.

After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you
wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

...In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you
tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you're blind,
that you should know five things:

1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 195 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.

5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously mister, do you still wanna tell that joke?

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,

'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
150 R 8 Seeker                                                          150 R 8 Veno                                                              150 Dragon Cleric                                                           150 Dragon Barb                                                        150 Dragon Sin

Offline epicseeker

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Four gentlemen of a certain age, are enjoying a round of golf. After the round high man went into the pro shop to pay the greens fee, and the other three begin bragging about their sons.

Man 1: My son is so successful, he just bought controlling partnership in his Bentley Dealership. And to show how much money he has, he gave one of his friends a $275,000.00 car, free and clear!

Man 2: My son's construction company is so successful, he just built one of his friends a 12,000 square foot, 4 bedroom, colonial revival home for free!

Man 3: Boys... I hate to break it to you, but my son is doing so well in the stock market, he just gave a friend a fully backed fortune 500 stock portfolio free and clear...

By this time man 4 comes back and is asked how well off his son is...

Man 4: Well... My son is gay. He dances at a gay bar called The Swinging Tea Bag. And every once in a while when he needs extra money, he stars in a "Sissy bottomboi productions" porno flick...

All of the other 3 men are shocked at this revelation of course. Until he adds...

Man 4: But he must be doing O.K. for himself. Each of his last three boyfriends gave him a new luxury car, a brand new house, and fully backed stock portfolio!

I just met you, but yes I'm strange, I'll trace your number, and kill you maybe!
You just met me, but I know you're strange, so lose my number, and keep the baby!

Offline PlumSauce

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Four gentlemen of a certain age, are enjoying a round of golf. After the round high man went into the pro shop to pay the greens fee, and the other three begin bragging about their sons.

Man 1: My son is so successful, he just bought controlling partnership in his Bentley Dealership. And to show how much money he has, he gave one of his friends a $275,000.00 car, free and clear!

Man 2: My son's construction company is so successful, he just built one of his friends a 12,000 square foot, 4 bedroom, colonial revival home for free!

Man 3: Boys... I hate to break it to you, but my son is doing so well in the stock market, he just gave a friend a fully backed fortune 500 stock portfolio free and clear...

By this time man 4 comes back and is asked how well off his son is...

Man 4: Well... My son is gay. He dances at a gay bar called The Swinging Tea Bag. And every once in a while when he needs extra money, he stars in a "Sissy bottomboi productions" porno flick...

All of the other 3 men are shocked at this revelation of course. Until he adds...

Man 4: But he must be doing O.K. for himself. Each of his last three boyfriends gave him a new luxury car, a brand new house, and fully backed stock portfolio!
omfg thats hilarious!

A blind man wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a whiskey.

After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you
wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

...In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you
tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you're blind,
that you should know five things:

1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 195 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.

5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously mister, do you still wanna tell that joke?

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,

'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
feel bad for that man lol
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I have no time for idiots who don't respect my awesomeness -3-

Offline epicseeker

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    A priest goes to heaven, and at the pearly gates, says to Saint Peter, "My whole life has been to serve and further the glory of Our Father. Now that I am passed i need only a small place to continue that work. A small hut, maybe a vegetable garden, and a place to do my daily devotions. His glory is still all that matters to me."

    Smiling at him, Saint Peter leads him a tiny farmstead in heaven, with a small cabin, a small paddock for a few livestock, and yes even a tiny vegetable patch. All of this made the humble man very happy, and feel that his life of devotion, and service, was certainly worth it.

    Life went on like this for several years, and then one day, a new neighbor was introduced to his little corner of paradise. The new neighbor rolled up to a lofty mansion, in a 40ft stretch limo, bikini clad women on both arms. And for the next few days the party never ended. This naturally made the priest angry, and eventually this anger grew to jealousy.

    After several months of this, the priest finally went to Saint Peter, and said, "I spent my whole life in service to Our Lord. And I get a hut, this man, obviously, has no idea what it means to pious and humble. Yet he gets a mansion and women, how is this fair?"

    Saint Peter smiled and said, "Well you're a priest. Minus the child molesters, we get a dozen of you in here a day. Your neighbor however, is a lawyer. He's the first of his kind we've ever had here in heaven."

I just met you, but yes I'm strange, I'll trace your number, and kill you maybe!
You just met me, but I know you're strange, so lose my number, and keep the baby!

Offline PlumSauce

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    A priest goes to heaven, and at the pearly gates, says to Saint Peter, "My whole life has been to serve and further the glory of Our Father. Now that I am passed i need only a small place to continue that work. A small hut, maybe a vegetable garden, and a place to do my daily devotions. His glory is still all that matters to me."

    Smiling at him, Saint Peter leads him a tiny farmstead in heaven, with a small cabin, a small paddock for a few livestock, and yes even a tiny vegetable patch. All of this made the humble man very happy, and feel that his life of devotion, and service, was certainly worth it.

    Life went on like this for several years, and then one day, a new neighbor was introduced to his little corner of paradise. The new neighbor rolled up to a lofty mansion, in a 40ft stretch limo, bikini clad women on both arms. And for the next few days the party never ended. This naturally made the priest angry, and eventually this anger grew to jealousy.

    After several months of this, the priest finally went to Saint Peter, and said, "I spent my whole life in service to Our Lord. And I get a hut, this man, obviously, has no idea what it means to pious and humble. Yet he gets a mansion and women, how is this fair?"

    Saint Peter smiled and said, "Well you're a priest. Minus the child molesters, we get a dozen of you in here a day. Your neighbor however, is a lawyer. He's the first of his kind we've ever had here in heaven."
lmfao thats a good one!
Xtra - 135 Mystic
I have no time for idiots who don't respect my awesomeness -3-