You make me laugh more than LaceyPip, thank you!<3
Four gentlemen of a certain age, are enjoying a round of golf. After the round high man went into the pro shop to pay the greens fee, and the other three begin bragging about their sons.Man 1: My son is so successful, he just bought controlling partnership in his Bentley Dealership. And to show how much money he has, he gave one of his friends a $275,000.00 car, free and clear!Man 2: My son's construction company is so successful, he just built one of his friends a 12,000 square foot, 4 bedroom, colonial revival home for free!Man 3: Boys... I hate to break it to you, but my son is doing so well in the stock market, he just gave a friend a fully backed fortune 500 stock portfolio free and clear...By this time man 4 comes back and is asked how well off his son is...Man 4: Well... My son is gay. He dances at a gay bar called The Swinging Tea Bag. And every once in a while when he needs extra money, he stars in a "Sissy bottomboi productions" porno flick...All of the other 3 men are shocked at this revelation of course. Until he adds...Man 4: But he must be doing O.K. for himself. Each of his last three boyfriends gave him a new luxury car, a brand new house, and fully backed stock portfolio!
A blind man wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a whiskey.After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, youwanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent....In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before youtell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you're blind,that you should know five things:1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 195 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.Now, think about it seriously mister, do you still wanna tell that joke?The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
A priest goes to heaven, and at the pearly gates, says to Saint Peter, "My whole life has been to serve and further the glory of Our Father. Now that I am passed i need only a small place to continue that work. A small hut, maybe a vegetable garden, and a place to do my daily devotions. His glory is still all that matters to me." Smiling at him, Saint Peter leads him a tiny farmstead in heaven, with a small cabin, a small paddock for a few livestock, and yes even a tiny vegetable patch. All of this made the humble man very happy, and feel that his life of devotion, and service, was certainly worth it. Life went on like this for several years, and then one day, a new neighbor was introduced to his little corner of paradise. The new neighbor rolled up to a lofty mansion, in a 40ft stretch limo, bikini clad women on both arms. And for the next few days the party never ended. This naturally made the priest angry, and eventually this anger grew to jealousy. After several months of this, the priest finally went to Saint Peter, and said, "I spent my whole life in service to Our Lord. And I get a hut, this man, obviously, has no idea what it means to pious and humble. Yet he gets a mansion and women, how is this fair?" Saint Peter smiled and said, "Well you're a priest. Minus the child molesters, we get a dozen of you in here a day. Your neighbor however, is a lawyer. He's the first of his kind we've ever had here in heaven."