Starting the first story I will write in English -update

[ܣᏁᎧᏉܣ]

[shadow=red,left]
"Are you ready?" the old shaman, said with a grin.

I felt my heart trembling, wait, why do I tremble. Am I afraid? I don't know the word fear.
This will be the end. All of it, will end here. At last, I will be at peace. No one will ever disturb me again.

"Let us begin then."

As the shaman begun the ritual rites, I didn't move. I am smiling. Fear of dying is out of my mind. Now, will be the time that my soul shall be put to sleep. The time that my consciousness shall disappear.

"The powerful being of the damned, for his soul is most corrupted, shall be put to rest for eternity."
"Heed my words almighty God of the heavens, to seal the demon that sits in front of me."
"His name shall not be forgotten, the name that carved fear into the human realm."
"But this is the moment he shall be vanish before the light of the almighty"
"Seal the soul, Demon of all demons, Satan!"

As he shouted that name, I grew weaker and weaker,  I knew that moment, the time has come.
Never shall my name be feared by all, nor my powers shall condemn all that lives. I now rest in the sands of time, forever. It will all turn blank for me.  I will have my eternal sleep.

Then my soul turned into nothingness.[/shadow]

[shadow=red,left]This is an excerpt to my upcoming story. I hope you'll like it. Also, any suggestions, corrections or violent reactions, are welcome. I want to improve my writing skills using English. TYVM [/shadow]

[shadow=red,left]~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[/shadow]
[shadow=red,left]I started the story already and had just finished chapter 1 and posted it in wattpad [/shadow]

http://www.wattpad.com/story/33943497-the-demon-king

[shadow=red,left]Any constructive criticisms and suggestions are very welcome. TY[/shadow]

[EricaMurcas]

It seems like a very promising start! I'm liking the concept of banishing a soul, and how it feels as the soul slowly slips away. There were only a few grammatical errors, but let's be honest here: Everyone has their unique writing style, who am I to say what is correct and what is not? The way I see it, as long as you're not butchering the English language to the point where it is unreadable, you're doing pretty damn well. I hope to see more of your story, as it has piqued my interest. Keep writing, you have your readers.

Wishing you the best!

[WorldsApart]

Nice work vonnie. keep it up!

[eon]

nice start von best wishes

do share more in future if this is a part time hobby or link to wherever the rest of your story can be found once you finish it

thank you in advance happy gaming have a nice time always

[Drive]

I liked the start,i'll be sure to check rest of the story out when you write it.
The only thing is that the font is kinda hard to read.
But nonetheless gj.

[ܣᏁᎧᏉܣ]

[shadow=red,left]updated[/shadow]

[♡Hermaphrodite♡]

[shadow=red,left]
"Are you ready?" the old shaman, said with a grin.

I felt my heart trembling, wait, why do I tremble. Am I afraid? I don't know the word fear.
This will be the end. All of it, will end here. At last, I will be at peace. No one will ever disturb me again.

"Let us begin then."

As the shaman begun the ritual rites, I didn't move. I am smiling. Fear of dying is out of my mind. Now, will be the time that my soul shall be put to sleep. The time that my consciousness shall disappear.

"The powerful being of the damned, for his soul is most corrupted, shall be put to rest for eternity."
"Heed my words almighty God of the heavens, to seal the demon that sits in front of me."
"His name shall not be forgotten, the name that carved fear into the human realm."
"But this is the moment he shall be vanish before the light of the almighty"
"Seal the soul, Demon of all demons, Satan!"

As he shouted that name, I grew weaker and weaker,  I knew that moment, the time has come.
Never shall my name be feared by all, nor my powers shall condemn all that lives. I now rest in the sands of time, forever. It will all turn blank for me.  I will have my eternal sleep.

Then my soul turned into nothingness.[/shadow]

[shadow=red,left]This is an excerpt to my upcoming story. I hope you'll like it. Also, any suggestions, corrections or violent reactions, are welcome. I want to improve my writing skills using English. TYVM [/shadow]

[shadow=red,left]~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[/shadow]
[shadow=red,left]I started the story already and had just finished chapter 1 and posted it in wattpad [/shadow]

http://www.wattpad.com/story/33943497-the-demon-king

[shadow=red,left]Any constructive criticisms and suggestions are very welcome. TY[/shadow]

I really like it but what annoyed me most is the bold red letters. They made my eyes hurt and it made it difficult to read. I'll be checking every now and then the link for your story intrigued me.