Hoping for a last love...

[Elena]

Okay c: Soooo I decided to start a story... ( thanks to a friend <3 for my fb page...hehe )
It's the first time I'm writing something so big. :C Any tips/remarks or if u notice some mistakes....please tell me <3
So here's the first 8 chapters:

She was standing there, in her tower, looking on the window waiting for the next "charming prince" to come and make her madly in love then dissappoint her. Amara was just gazing at the full moon with her silver-fox Scar.
-Oh my little Scar, it's so boring waiting for people to come and visit me! Maybe we should go out, what ya' think?
-Might be a good idea Amara but we didn't go in a while...
- I don't care! It's boring! I need to do something interesting..
-Then let's go.
That's how Amara's journey started.  Oh did I forgot to mention something? She's one of the oldest vampires alive...

- Amara! Scar!  It's been a while guys! You two didn't come to visit me for 5 years, how mean of you!
- Hey Jacky! Yea it's been a while, but you didn't come to visit us either! Scar said you forgot about us...
- I never did, I'll always remember how you saved me Amara... I can't forget about you, but you never told me where you live...so how could I come visit you when I don't even know where you live?!
- Oh right! Being so old like me...you forget stuff sometimes ... haha, I've been living in the old castle.
-That old castle that could collapse any minute?! How could you live in it?
- It's not so old! I took care of it lately, 5 years only hearing Scar's complaining about not getting enough food... I prefer cleaning than hearing him.
- Oi Amara...you know I'm still here, down but I still hear you.
- Ah, forgive me Scar, but look since we are back in town let's get you some food. Jacky? Some help please?
-Ah...missed you two, let's go to my place.
What Amara didn't know is that a new vampire came in town and was ready to make it his new home...

This town, Black Forest... it's been Amara's home for more than 1000 years and she have always protected it with her life, even if many of the people don't know what she really is, an 170 cm red haired hottie with one of the most beautiful blue eyes and an amazing smile, an vampire that needs to kill humans to survive.
- Hey Jacky! Do you have any alcohol in here?! Haven't drink any in years, I don't even remember it's taste.
-If you're checking under my bed you won't ever find it Amara, there's one room called kitchen, check there.
-Ah, I thought that you hide it from your guardian, what was his name again...?
-I don't need to hide it, anyways he isn't home most of the time and he never notice if some bottles are missing. And his name is Dylan.
-Ohhhh, right Dylan... where he is now?
- I don't know? Not like I care either, as long as he pays the bills for the house and I have food I don't care what he is doing...
-Oh and I thought I'm the heartless one, says Amara playing with a bottle of vodka.
-Who said I'm heartless? I just don't care about him... By the way, you never told me, what kind of fox is Scar? He talks... I think I saw him once turning into a human?!
-He is cursed. He was once a handsome man who felt in love with the wrong person, a witch cursed him to live forever, not as a vampire but as a fox, he can turn into a human but he'll always have his ears and tail.
-Ah I see, and you? What happened to you that you became a vampire?
-I never told you?! Well it's not an happy story...  back then people used to kill witches, my dad suspected that I'm a witch so he banished me from his house. For days I've been wandering around the Black Forest until a witch found me. My wounds wouldn't heal so she used vampire blood on me... after 2 days I died. I don't remember why and what happened after that.
-That's sad! Your own dad...
-It happened long ago, you don't have to worry about that, now let's get some food for Scar, he'll probably rage at me soon if I don't give him anything.

Hey...Jacky?
-Yea?
-I never told you before...but I think now you're ready to hear the truth, I knew your parents...and I know why they died.
-What?! And you never bothered to tell me before?! And you lied! I asked you if you knew them and you said no! Why you lied?!
-Jacky calm down...before you judge me let me tell you what really happen...  Your family...the Morgan family, it's an old family of witches, but not normal witches, they are known as "The Forest Guardian". The first Morgan was born here and so all the generations since then. The Forest Guardians are the witches who protect the town but they used to live in the forest, that's why they are called so. It's kinda ironic to be honest, your grandmother used to be called "The white which of the Black Forest". But enough about this and more about your parents. They were helping me searching for an nest of vampires who wanted to attack the town... We split, when I found them I tried to make them turn into vampires for you, but they wanted to die as humans...also they made me promise I'll look after you. I'm sorry I couldn't save them Jacky...
-So..you're saying now that I'm a witch? And not just an witch...an forest guardian? I never heard of them...
-You never heard of them because your family is the only one with those powers Jack. Amara tried to hide it from you so you could live as long as possible as a human but sooner or later the town will need his guardian, says Scar coming in the room.
-Scar? Wow... I never tough you'd look like this as a human. Amara...the vampires who killed my parents...are they still alive?
-Just one. He ran when he saw me killing all of them, since then I never heard of him.
-Ah I see...
-Jacky I know what you thinking of and my answer is no. I won't let you look for him, he is an dangerous vampire and he might be as old as me, I don't want you to get hurt.
-You don't want or you can't?!  All this time...you've been my friend because you promised my parents? What about the five years when you've been missing?!
-You don't have to be an jerk! I don't want to let you. Even if I promised nothing makes me keep the promise, if I wanted I could have left this town long ago, I'm still here because I care about you. I never said I didn't keep an eye on you. Scar was always looking after you... I know everything than happened to you all this time.
-And you know that I needed you...and you didn't come back than.
-I wanted to, but I also wanted you to live as a human, me in your life isn't a human life!

-Ah... I'm sorry Amara, I shouldn't have raged at you...
-It's okay Jacky you have that right...I lied to you and hided the truth but I did it for you. Now that you know the truth you'll have to learn to become the Forest Guardian, I promise I'll help you, I have home some books of your parents...I'll give them to you tomorrow, come visit me, I'll show you my place.
-Sure thing! It's already late... I should go to sleep.
-Yea, good night Jacky.
-Night Amara, Scar.
-Night Jack.

While walking back to her castle Amara meets the new vampire in town. An black haired one, with black eyes, not taller than Amara. She tough she won't see him again and at first she wasn't sure if it's him or not, but now, looking better at his face, she's sure. He's the vampire who killed Jacky's parents!
-Well hello there, an lady like you shouldn't walk alone at this hour, what if someone kidnaps you?
-How are you? I know you're an vampire, I don't hear your heart beating.
-Well I don't hear yours either. My name is Aiden and I'm here to finish my job from 10 years ago.
-Job...? 10 years ago? What job?!
-To kill all the Forest Guardians of course, and to revenge my brother, James. That night...you killed him! And all my friends.
-You and your friends killed my friends! My only family I had! They said...they said I'm like their sister! And you killed them...you and your friends! You took them away from me! I won't forgive you and I won't let you touch Jacky!, said Amara while her eyes were going red like the blood and her fangs came out.
-Wow, calm sweety, I don't want to kill you, yet. First I need to kill the guardian boy, but first I need to make an name in this little Town, weird name for such and beautiful town...Black Forest, maybe because you and the witch are living here made it so creepy.
-It's not creepy. You should leave, now. I'll give you one day to leave or I'll kill you.
-You can try from now, but I don't think you want your little friend get hurt, do you?, said Aiden holding him by his tail.
-Hey let me go! It hurts you know? said Scar annoyed.
-Let him go! Scar are you ok?!
-Here, go little fox, said Aiden letting Scar down.
-Yea...just my pride and my tail a bit hurt.
-You're older than me, Amara, but I know who you are. I won't leave, I'm planing to make this beautiful town my new home! And a new home will need new vampires.
-Scar, I think we got a problem here...
-Your fault. You solve it, I won't get involved this time!
-Lier, you always help me.

For Jacky the night passed fast, being home alone again, like every night, Dylan never came home earlier than 12 p.m. , even if Jacky pretended he doesn't care about him, it was just a lie, he was always wondering where he is going, what kind of work he is doing and why he never comes home earlier...Those where the thoughts of Jacky before he felt asleep.
For our vampire the night was more interesting... When she got home, in her big castle covered by the beautiful green trees she went straight to the library letting Scar all alone in the hall. Not many know but Amara is a special vampire, she is the keeper of the "old books". Those books contain all the names and the origin off all vampires around the world. Trying to find some clues about Aiden wasn't easy since she didn't knew his last name or even where he is coming from. But in the end she found it, Aiden Blackburn, born in 1465,Russia from English parents, his parents died killed by a vampire while him and his brother, James Blackburn were turned. James Blackburn, brother of Aiden, born 1459, dead 2003.
-There's something weird about this guy...why would a vampire kill the parents and turn the children? She knew them? Or maybe...they wanted to? Hmm... I guess I'll have to find out from him.
-Hey Amara, you should go sleep, Jack is coming tomorrow for the books. You'll have to teach him to use them...so he won't burn his house like his mother.
-Ah, yea your right...burning the house...it seems like it's been a century since then... You know, I miss Anna, and Charles, they were good parents...and good friends...but sometimes I wonder if they did a good choice in making Dylan his guardian.
-Dylan might be a lot absent in Jack's life but he is a good choice...he made him go to school and finish it.
-Yea I know...but I didn't talk to him since 9 years ago...I think he is avoiding me...I suppose he is blaming me for Anna's death.
-Could be that, or maybe he is too busy working for Jack.
-Yea guess so...let's go to sleep Scar.
-Ok.

It was an beautiful summer morning for Jacky, he didn't knew why but he was exited, maybe not because of the magic books, but because he'll finally see Amara's house. But for Amara it wasn't so nice. She couldn't stop thinking about Aiden and what he is going to do, she knew he's going to turn some of the people into vampires, but she couldn't tell when. Even if she miss having an vampire friend she didn't want to turn anyone from the town into one, she is supposed to protect them. The bell woke her up when Jacky came, Scar was already up making his meal, like always, and making something for Jacky too.
-Hey...morning Jacky.
-Good morning Amara! Ready to teach me some focus pocus?
-It's called spell, it's real magic not fake. Let's go in my library.

Jacky was amazed by the huge old castle and how nice it could look. "Probably Amara needs months to clean all of it even with her vampire powers...Hmmm, it smells like food, probably Scar is making his breakfast...hope he'll make something for me too, I'm kind of hungry." said Jacky in his mind. Amara made for Jacky a fats tour of the castle then she took him to the library. The library is a very big room with loads of books, who knows what kind of books Amara collected in 1000years. In the middle of the library it is a giant beautiful tree.
-Hey Amara, when it rains, the books don't get wet? I see the roof is open.
-No, there's a window around the tree so the books won't get wet.
-Ah, I see. So...how we going to practice? Here?
-Yea, it's an easy spell, all you have to do is to light a candle, can't do much harm, plus here we have all the magic books you going to need.
-But, we could go outside.
-We can't, it's going to rain soon.
-Oh, okay.
While Amara went to look for the Morgan magic book and other ones, Jacky remind near the tree, gazing at it, he didn't know why but it looked so familiar to him.
-Hey Jacky what's wrong?
-I don't know...this tree, it looks so familiar to me.
-Because you saw it before. When you was little your parents brought you here a few times, you was always playing around it, now let's go practice.
-Okay, I'm coming.
-Now, concentrate on lighting the candle.
-Okay...but I'm not sure it will work.
-It will, now concentrate.
Jacky closed his eyes and concentrated on lighting the candle, but sadly for him, and for Amara, something else lighted.
-Jacky stop! Stop the fire! You're going to burn the library and the tree with it!
-What? How did I do that?
-It supposed it is my mistake, should have told you. You need to concentrate only on the candle, imagine in your head the candle, not the room too.
-Oh...I'm sorry.
-Be more careful from now on and don't hurt the tree, you'll need his help.

-A tree's help? How can a tree help me?
-That tree is older than me. It's the Morgan tree, you'll find out soon why you need him, for the record, his name is Jonathan.
-Oh..okay, a tree have a name, I'm a witch, what more? Sirens?
-They exit, but not many left.
-Ungrateful human! You dare complain about me? I'm older even than the vampire!
-What?! Who said that!
-Well...that's Jonathan. Hey J., you didn't bother to talk to me in 10 years and you live in my house, don't pretend you don't remember my name. You old jerk tree, whispered Amara.
-I heared you! Be careful of what you say!
-If not what? You know I could cut you down but Jacky needs you. Anyways, Jonathan is the Tree King of the Black Forest, he been protecting the forest instead of you.
-Okay, other things I should know about?
-Yes, many, but for now all you need to know is that you'll have a partner, speaking of him, I'll get him here.
-Partner? For what?
-You'll see when he gets here.
*
Long time no see, Amara, said White Star and Black Star in the same time. How you've been?
-Good, trying to don't get my library on fire, follow me, I'll lead you to Jacky.
-Wait, Amara, where is Scar? I need to talk to him, asked Black Star.
-Scar? He's probably in kitchen making food, check there, if not he's probably sleeping.
-Thank you.
-Hey Amara...you sure he should know about me now? We made the bound years ago but he won't remember it.
-I know White, but he's already 18, he needs to know, if we wait too much he won't be able to learn the spells, he won't be able to be a witch... we need a new Forest Guardian, soon.
-Don't rush Amara, you know better than anyone that rushing will only lead in him dying.
-I know...I won't rush, that's why I called you here, I need your help.

Jacky was so nervous to know how his new partner will look...he'll be tall? How is his hair? What eye color? Will he be taller than him? Jacky is a 187cm man with some sexy muscles, black hair and green eyes, many girls from then town wished they could steal his heart, but they couldn't.
-Amara! Your finally back! Why is there a wolf with you...?
-Jacky, meet White Star, she's your new partner.
-White Star? She?!
-Yes, she. Every witch have an animal partner. Your mom had a owl and your dad had a crow. White Star was born in the same day as you. Means she's your partner. I wonder where is Black...you think he started a fight with Scar?
-Black? Who is Black?
-He's my brother. Don't worry Amara he won't, he wants to meet his partner today.
-Wow...even animals are talking now, this world will make me go crazy, I swear.
-Who said you aren't crazy already? Well you called magic focus pocus...might be all your imagination. And Black have an partner?
-He called magic focus pocus?! Boy, this is real magic! You have to be careful with it.
-He almost burned the library...
-Amara! You don't have to tell everyone now.
-Sorry! White, you didn't answer me!
*
-Hello Scar. It's been a while since we last talked.
-Black Star. Yes, it's been, was hoping to don't see you again. You are here to make Amara your new master?
-I prefer the term of partner, but yes, don't worry scared fox, you'll still be her favorite, sadly.
-Oh, I don't worry about that, I'm the one who's living with her. I'm worried about what the Spirits think about this, a witch to have 2 partners? It didn't happened in more than 300 years.
-It's true, I wonder too, but I was born in the same day and same month as her, she's my partner, and sadly, you too.
-Well that's sad, for you.
-Well you were actually a human before the first White Witch cursed you. I guess Amara is more special than we thought, we'll see in time what's going to happen.
*
-You'll find out soon, Amara.
-What she'll find out, sister?
-Who is your partner, c'mon, tell her.
-Oh, right. You are Amara, you are my partner, I was born 2 years ago on 23 December.
-What? But how...I'm not even a witch anymore!
-I supposed this is what the Spirits want for you my dear, we'll have to find out soon why.

Also, these is my fb page where I post them :3 I post them first here if u like and wanna read it faster~ https://www.facebook.com/LikeIdCare

[Dendoora☆]

Okay c: Soooo I decided to start a story... ( thanks to a friend <3 for my fb page...hehe )
It's the first time I'm writing something so big. :C Any tips/remarks or if u notice some mistakes....please tell me <3
So here's the first 3 chapters:

She was standing there, in her tower, looking on the window waiting for the next "charming prince" to come and make her madly in love then dissappoint her. Amara was just gazing at the full moon with her silver-fox Scar.
-Oh my little Scar, it's so boring waiting for people to come and visit me! Maybe we should go out, what ya' think?
-Might be a good idea Amara but we didn't go in a while...
- I don't care! It's boring! I need to do something interesting..
-Then let's go.
That's how Amara's journey started.  Oh did I forgot to mention something? She's one of the oldest vampires alive...

- Amara! Scar!  It's been a while guys! You two didn't come to visit me for 5 years, how mean of you!
- Hey Jacky! Yea it's been a while, but you didn't come to visit us either! Scar said you forgot about us...
- I never did, I'll always remember how you saved me Amara... I can't forget about you, but you never told me where you live...so how could I come visit you when I don't even know where you live?!
- Oh right! Being so old like me...you forget stuff sometimes ... haha, I've been living in the old castle.
-That old castle that could collapse any minute?! How could you live in it?
- It's not so old! I took care of it lately, 5 years only hearing Scar's complaining about not getting enough food... I prefer cleaning than hearing him.
- Oi Amara...you know I'm still here, down but I still hear you.
- Ah, forgive me Scar, but look since we are back in town let's get you some food. Jacky? Some help please?
-Ah...missed you two, let's go to my place.
What Amara didn't know is that a new vampire came in town and was ready to make it his new home...

This town, Black Forest... it's been Amara's home for more than 1000 years and she have always protected it with her life, even if many of the people don't know what she really is, an 170 cm red haired hottie with one of the most beautiful blue eyes and an amazing smile, an vampire that needs to kill humans to survive.
- Hey Jacky! Do you have any alcohol in here?! Haven't drink any in years, I don't even remember it's taste.
-If you're checking under my bed you won't ever find it Amara, there's one room called kitchen, check there.
-Ah, I thought that you hide it from your guardian, what was his name again...?
-I don't need to hide it, anyways he isn't home most of the time and he never notice if some bottles are missing. And his name is Dylan.
-Ohhhh, right Dylan... where he is now?
- I don't know? Not like I care either, as long as he pays the bills for the house and I have food I don't care what he is doing...
-Oh and I thought I'm the heartless one, says Amara playing with a bottle of vodka.
-Who said I'm heartless? I just don't care about him... By the way, you never told me, what kind of fox is Scar? He talks... I think I saw him once turning into a human?!
-He is cursed. He was once a handsome man who felt in love with the wrong person, a witch cursed him to live forever, \ not as a vampire but as a fox, he can turn into a human but he'll always have his ears and tail.
-Ah I see, and you? What happened to you that you became a vampire?
-I never told you?! Well it's not an happy story...  back then people used to kill witches, my dad suspected that I'm a witch so he banished me from his house. For days I've been wandering around the Black Forest until a witch found me. My wounds wouldn't heal so she used vampire blood on me... after 2 days I died. I don't remember why and what happened after that.
-That's sad! Your own dad...
-It happened long ago, you don't have to worry about that, now let's get some food for Scar, he'll probably rage at me soon if I don't give him anything.

Hey...Jacky?
-Yea?
-I never told you before...but I think now you're ready to hear the truth, I knew your parents...and I know why they died.
-What?! And you never bothered to tell me before?! And you lied! I asked you if you knew them and you said no! Why you lied?!
-Jacky calm down...before you judge me let me tell you what really happen...  Your family...the Morgan family, it's an old family of witches, but not normal witches, they are known as "The Forest Guardian". The first Morgan was born here and so all the generations since then. The Forest Guardians are the witches who protect the town but they used to live in the forest, that's why they are called so. It's kinda ironic to be honest, your grandmother used to be called "The white which of the Black Forest". But enough about this and more about your parents. They were helping me searching for an nest of vampires who wanted to attack the town... We split, when I found them I tried to make them turn into vampires for you, but they wanted to die as humans...also they made me promise I'll look after you. I'm sorry I couldn't save them Jacky...
-So..you're saying now that I'm a witch? And not just an witch...an forest guardian? I never heard of them...
-You never heard of them because your family is the only one with those powers Jack. Amara tried to hide it from you so you could live as long as possible as a human but sooner or later the town will need his guardian, says Scar coming in the room, as a human.
-Scar? Wow... I never tough you'd look like this as a human. Amara...the vampires who killed my parents...are they still alive?
-Just one. He ran when he saw me killing all of them, since then I never heard of him.
-Ah I see...
-Jacky I know what you thinking of and my answer is no. I won't let you look for him, he is an dangerous vampire and he might be as old as me, I don't want you to get hurt.
-You don't want or you can't?!  All this time...you've been my friend because you promised my parents? What about the five years when you've been missing?!
-You don't have to be an jerk! I don't want to let you. Even if I promised nothing makes me keep the promise, if I wanted I could have left this town long ago, I'm still here because I care about you. I never said I didn't keep an eye on you. Scar was always looking after you... I know everything than happened to you all this time.
-And you know that I needed you...and you didn't come back than.
-I wanted to, but I also wanted you to live as a human, me in your life isn't a human life!

I already told you my tips in our skype PM's, but here goes again:

"" is used if a person/character is saying something
- isn't really used to tell someone if they're saying something cause it isn't 100% clear until WHERE they're talking

"live forever but not as a vampire but as a fox" would be better if put this way:
"live forever, but not as a vampire but as a fox"

Some english corrections:
What happen to you that you became a vampire?
What happened* to you that you became a vampire?

[Elena]

I already told you my tips in our skype PM's, but here goes again:

"" is used if a person/character is saying something
- isn't really used to tell someone if they're saying something cause it isn't 100% clear until WHERE they're talking

"live forever but not as a vampire but as a fox" would be better if put this way:
"live forever, but not as a vampire but as a fox"

Some english corrections:
What happen to you that you became a vampire?
What happened* to you that you became a vampire?

I corrected all of them. :C

[Dendoora☆]

I corrected all of them. :C

Then you only didn't correct

"" is used if a person/character is saying something
- isn't really used to tell someone if they're saying something cause it isn't 100% clear until WHERE they're talking

[Elena]

Added 2 more chapter. c:

[PlumSauce]

It doesn't flow very well. I mean like using - to make your characters speak isn't going to get you anywhere. You have to be able to use "" instead. (Ex. "I saw her yesterday. She was pretty beat up," Alice explained). It adds more like saying, she explained, as she, walking, etc.

[Sleep]

I already told you my tips in our skype PM's, but here goes again:

"" is used if a person/character is saying something
- isn't really used to tell someone if they're saying something cause it isn't 100% clear until WHERE they're talking

"live forever but not as a vampire but as a fox" would be better if put this way:
"live forever, but not as a vampire but as a fox"

Some english corrections:
What happen to you that you became a vampire?
What happened* to you that you became a vampire?

I'd say: "...live forever, not as a vampire but as a fox.." Saying "but" twice is a tad redundant and doesn't flow well at all.

I'll try and go through this some other time. That was the only thing that jumped out at me when looking through the replies. ^^

[Nicolle]

Kitty....

[Elena]

It doesn't flow very well. I mean like using - to make your characters speak isn't going to get you anywhere. You have to be able to use "" instead. (Ex. "I saw her yesterday. She was pretty beat up," Alice explained). It adds more like saying, she explained, as she, walking, etc.

It's the first time I'm planning to write something so big so I'll learn in time, I'm used with - not with "" but i'll try to use '''' from the next chapter xD ( tough... I'm already at chapter 13  )

I'd say: "...live forever, not as a vampire but as a fox.." Saying "but" twice is a tad redundant and doesn't flow well at all.

I'll try and go through this some other time. That was the only thing that jumped out at me when looking through the replies. ^^

Yea I noticed that too when I reread it so I can continue writing '-' I think i edited it on fb and was lazy to edit here too... so much writing 

[Elena]

Kitty....

Wut? >.>