So, last night instead of sleeping, I started writing. Now, it's not much but.. Anyway, so the thing is, I want to write about her being some kind of mystical creature, so any ideas would be gladly appreciated.Any CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is welcomed with open arms. I kind of like the beginning, but I'll google up on some mythical creature and try to continue. (:As I woke up, I groaned. Another day of having to pretend to be normal again. I couldn't help but wonder how long it's going to take before others finds out. How long before I burst with the truth. So far, I managed to keep quiet about it, not even telling my best friend, Leslie. But every day I wake up dreading the day the truth is revealed, dreading the day people will look at me like I'm some kind of freak. Maybe I am. Not one day goes by without me thinking I am. I'm 16 now, as of a month ago, and that's when everything started to happen.Thanks for reading and all the criticism. (:
Sounds like that movie "Beautiful Creatures". Not original i'm sorry. Just isn't original -.-
Pot, meet Kettle.
You don't want to exasperate GN Sleep
As I woke up, I groaned. Another day of having to pretend to be normal again. I couldn't help but wonder how long it's going to take before others finds out. How long before I burst with the truth. So far, I managed to keep quiet about it, not even telling my best friend, Leslie. But every day I wake up dreading the day the truth is revealed, dreading the day people will look at me like I'm some kind of freak. Maybe I am. Not one day goes by without me thinking I am. I'm 16 now, as of a month ago, and that's when everything started to happen.
There are a few errors with sentence structure/syntax, but it's not bad. I've fixed a few parts where the syntax or grammar was off. Most of what I changed is personal preference to give it more depth and make it flow better.As I woke up, I groaned. Another day of having to pretend to be normal still. I couldn't help but wonder how long *it was going to take before other people found out. How long before I burst with the truth? I've managed to keep quiet about it, so far — not even telling my best friend, Leslie. Yet every day I wake up dreading the day that the truth is revealed, the day people will look at me as if I'm some kind of freak. *Who knows? Maybe I am. Not a day goes by where I don't think I am, anyway. I'm 16 now, as of a month ago. That's when everything started to happen.You might also want to try:- "how long it will be before other people find out" -- adding a bit more to that part like "that I've been keeping a secret" etcetc, something to give it depth. Though if you do that, you'll need to change the tense of the other words in the sentence- Splitting the "I've managed to keep quiet about it" sentence into two parts, making the second sentence "I haven't even told Leslie, my best friend. . ." follow it up with a small detail like how long they've been friends or that the narrator tells her everything etc, etc.'-' That's all I got.
Oh, well then. Pot, meet Kettle.
well damn o_o only thing u should probaly listen to is ^...sounds like a english teacher
better then twilight ;ogood one
Very harsh.Everything is better than Twilight.Probably.//sorry offtopic//
Naw. ALMOST everything. You forgot social dance. Social dance = shit. You cannot enjoy it and it is worse than Twilight. Just a suggestion but "Another day of having to pretend to be normal still" Doesn't really sound correct. Again sounds a bit better than still. So maybe "Another day of pretending to be normal again," may be better?
Twilight is worse.I don't care. Social dance sucks. Twilight is worse. Twilight is the most horrid thing ever that should never have been written. Or made a movie of.My suggestion, once I reread that, is err, "Yet another day of having to pretend to be normal."...I don't know, all suggestions for the line are valid I suppose.
