Epic Perfect World

~ Newer/Better/More entertaininger Story (name plz)

Offline PlumSauce

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Ok so im writing lately (yey) anyway but i gave up on possession cuz it was to tacky :P but here's new material which i plan to expand on further and lets see where it goes!

The early morning sun played patterns on the bark of old willow trees, and tiny hints of frost glittered on freshly cut grass. Birds and insects had already begun their day, building wonderful structures of nature.
My footsteps were quiet as I made my way along the empty road, and my eyes wandered to cars parked alongside. Imaginative shadows lurked behind their bulky frames.  I was two blocks from my school before I stopped to dig out my phone and check the time. Brightly illuminated symbols, lettered "7:15," dominated its screen. Shoot, I was late.
   I picked up my pace, gathered energy for a run, and took off as fast as I could towards my destination. Regressing speed, I jogged across a walkway, ignorant of passing vehicles.
   I entered through attractively decorated glass doors and emerged into a large clearing filled with chairs and sofas, of which were adjacent to each other. Glancing down the other hallway I spotted Angus, the school janitor, and I turned around to walk up the stairwell.
   I checked the time, and it read "7:19."
   I went to my locker and opened it to reveal the contents. Skimming through all of it, I grabbed the necessary items and slammed it shut to ensure that it was closed. I crossed back to the stairwell and walked up the last bit of stairs to the room at the top, threw my bag on the ground, and began writing.

Ok not dun yet!
Last Edit: Nov 23, 2013, 03:49 pm by Sleep♈
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I have no time for idiots who don't respect my awesomeness -3-

Offline ☣EvilEye23☣

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ehh.
Constructive criticism.

Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. ^^


Good luck on your new story~


//Okay, back to reading Hetalia doujins and doing stuff I need to do. >_>
LightningI—150 wizard
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Offline Sleep

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Hope this helps. Most fictional pieces are worded in past-tense. I reformatted your story to do so. I did this quickly, and there may be a few mistakes of my own. ^^

I love the concept and the creativity. I'd love to see how this story plays out!

Great work. :smiley:


You don't want to exasperate GN Sleep  :pig-11: :pig-37:

Offline ☣EvilEye23☣

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O.o
LightningI—150 wizard
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Offline PlumSauce

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  • I'm in the basement of hell -.-

Hope this helps. Most fictional pieces are worded in past-tense. I reformatted your story to do so. I did this quickly, and there may be a few mistakes of my own. ^^

I love the concept and the creativity. I'd love to see how this story plays out!

Great work. :smiley:

All looks good except the room at the top is just a platform at the top of the stairwell that nobody ever uses. It's actually got a door that goes out to the roof *HINT HINT SPOILER*
Xtra - 135 Mystic
I have no time for idiots who don't respect my awesomeness -3-

Offline Sleep

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All looks good except the room at the top is just a platform at the top of the stairwell that nobody ever uses. It's actually got a door that goes out to the roof *HINT HINT SPOILER*

Even better. :D Again, I really like it so far. Keep it up!


You don't want to exasperate GN Sleep  :pig-11: :pig-37:

Offline Sleep

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Cleaned. Really, take it to PMs. Last chance. .-.


You don't want to exasperate GN Sleep  :pig-11: :pig-37:

Offline Drag Queer

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Cleaned. Really, take it to PMs. Last chance. .-.
Oooo what you gonna do
I'm in love with you
Don't you wanna dance
This may be the last chance (the last chance)
That I get (that I get) to love you (to love you)
ooo ooo ooo

 :police:

Offline PlumSauce

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Offtopic, but does anybody wanna play an interesting game? Its quite fun actually and easy to play.
Xtra - 135 Mystic
I have no time for idiots who don't respect my awesomeness -3-

Offline Bre.

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Offtopic, but does anybody wanna play an interesting game? Its quite fun actually and easy to play.
Nobody wants to play with you!

[16:47:01] Bre: this creeps me out.
[16:47:32] Zilara: Lmfaoo

Offline Drag Queer

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pikachuchu

Offtopic, but does anybody wanna play an interesting game? Its quite fun actually and easy to play.

Wut game?

Offline PlumSauce

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Nobody wants to play with you!
Don't be mean i swear to god imma punch somebudy idc who it is (except my mom. I lub my mom). I just got sleep to clean this topic (thx) and now you come on and be all mean :C Thx. Have an awesome day.

Wut game?
Its this game called Eden Eternal by aeria. I've been playing it for a year and its rlly fun. You can switch yur classes whenever u want and they have awesome fashions (pricey). Easy to get gear and weapons and u can get mounts and like, lvl 1.
Xtra - 135 Mystic
I have no time for idiots who don't respect my awesomeness -3-

pikachuchu

Its this game called Eden Eternal by aeria. I've been playing it for a year and its rlly fun. You can switch yur classes whenever u want and they have awesome fashions (pricey). Easy to get gear and weapons and u can get mounts and like, lvl 1.

Gimme link and I'll consider it. (;

Offline PlumSauce

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Gimme link and I'll consider it. (;
Okie ill insert. You have to download the aeria ignite in order to play the game. Ignite is just the main thing where u select which game u want to play ^^ No survey or passwords required. http://edeneternal.aeriagames.com/
Last Edit: Nov 24, 2013, 10:19 pm by Tangle, Reason: Cleaned
Xtra - 135 Mystic
I have no time for idiots who don't respect my awesomeness -3-