Silent Hill: Perfect World/Mirrors Have Shadows

[EricaMurcas]

So, you've gone and done it. You just had to reach your hand out and touch it. It quivers and undulates, requiring you to back off a few steps. This is no wraith, not an ordinary one, anyway. What you touched is your future.

Welcome to Hell.


A heavy fog settled earlier tonight over the City of the Plume; it wasn't unnatural to them, not at first...but then they heard moaning and the sound of metal slithering smoothly through the now soggy soil. Then the shadows appear, the Elves take up arms as the first shadow steps into the natural, green life. It is a mannequin smeared with blood...Wait a minute, mannequins don't have intestines. The elves, trying not to lose composure, shoot the mannequin down, but in its place two more appeared and then another. There was a scream, a scream that turned all the Elven Kin's spine to ice. This shadow was different. Its head was just a pyramid, his body built and bloodied from his snack that he had just consumed. In one hand, he carries a huge sword, a sword so big that it was doubtful that anything human could wield it... And in its other hand... god...the light from my Plume Shot illuminated what Ithought was a blanket. It was skin.

It breathes harder and so do I. I'm terrified. He tosses the skin to the side as a worker would toss his work clothes aside.

Click.

He is now walking down the road. I fire another shot at it, shooting it in the head. Labored breathing and then a hiss and for a brief moment we faced another.

Click. Click.

He is coming for me.

Click. Click. Click.

I fire another shot at his stomach, absolutely no effect. Is this the end? He scrapes the sword off the floor and with one mighty swing relieves me of my left wing. It was just playing with its food, now. The pain...I see red...I see red on the floor, red, blood...the pool widens. Another hushed swing, another wing dismantled.
It cocked its head to the side at both of my wings and grabbed them, flapping them in front of me, almost like a taunt. I was dead. You will be too. Run. Run while you can. Perfect World has slipped into Hell, a place called Silent Hill.

I... I can't go on. I hear him chewing on my decapitated arm. It sickens me, the sound of sinew being ground between teeth, the sigh of satisfaction of swallowing what used to be my dominant hand. now i can only write with one hand. run. for ***'s sake,run!

i'm so srry, murcas

[Fab]

god...the light from my Plume Shot illuminated what I that was a blanket

Little error here but that can easily put you off the story. The story (or poem, seemed like that in the intro) was ok, but you sorta made it look like a juvenile slasher movie, and pyramid heads dont eat people (i think) and the scene you made was cliche since it came from the first movie, a few wisely implanted adaptations from the games instead could have been better. There were also some major plot holes, like why didnt the protagonist run away when the creature was just a few steps away. Lastly, i salute you for thinking of the whole concept of Perfect World being submerged into the hellish world of Silent Hill would be so shocking yet so astonishing that it would probably turn it into the most populated mmorpg...if that was just possible. Keep up with the work, making the next story (assuming you'll make one) a bit longer wouldnt hurt.

[EricaMurcas]

Thanks for the reply and the suggestions. I wrote that on a whim and half asleep, so it doesn't surprise me that it has errors in it. Still, no excuses. It wasn't my intent to turn it into a slasher fic, but with Pyramid Head being such a visceral character, I figured a nod towards the movie. As for Pyramid Head eating people, I don't know. All I know was that he was a personification of fear, regret, and shame. It would not surprise if he did eat people, that was just an assumption on my behalf, probably false, though. Implementing Silent Hill into Perfect World would be hard, because Silent Hill differs from person to person. If you have played any of the Silent Hill games, it alludes to the person's inner demons or a curse put upon them. As for the protagonist running, that didn't really occur to me because, I mean, hey, here's this guy, taller than me, blocking all exits, spells don't work, and oh shit now I have no wings. That was my mind set. Plus, I like gore, so that is personal preference. Doesn't work for everybody and that's absolutely fine. That's what I like about writing: it can be viewed so many different ways and through critiques and suggestions does the writer become better.

So, thanks again. ^_^

[EricaMurcas]

Thanks for the reply and the suggestions. I wrote that on a whim and half asleep, so it doesn't surprise me that it has errors in it. Still, no excuses. It wasn't my intent to turn it into a slasher fic, but with Pyramid Head being such a visceral character, I figured a nod towards the movie was appropriate. As for Pyramid Head eating people, I don't know. All I know is that he was a personification of fear, regret, and shame. It would not surprise if he did eat people, that was just an assumption on my behalf, probably false, though. Implementing Silent Hill into Perfect World would be hard, because Silent Hill differs from person to person. If you have played any of the Silent Hill games, it alludes to the person's inner demons or a curse put upon them. As for the protagonist running, that didn't really occur to me because, I mean, hey, here's this guy, taller than me, blocking all exits, spells don't work, and oh shit now I have no wings. That was my mind set. Plus, I like gore, so that is personal preference. Doesn't work for everybody and that's absolutely fine. That's what I like about writing: it can be viewed so many different ways and through critiques and suggestions does the writer become better.

So, thanks again. ^_^