America: Are we truly a republic? (Rant)

[D' Zen]

Your essay reminds of

[Burdette]

Your essay reminds of

lmfaooooo

[Suns]

Just because someone is from another country doesn't mean they lack the political knowledge of what
goes on in another country. America has been the center of foreign politics for quite a long time. Besides,
why does the thread have to need a "point" to exist? This is, after all, off-topic.... and the community has
quite a substantial amount of American players, even if not as many as EU and Asia.

Your assistance in trying to make it look more professional is greatly appreciated. As soon as I get the
time I will definitely go through and adjust the errors. As I said, it was made in less than 25 minutes, so
I posted it prior to actually being able to review what I actually had typed out... thank you very much xD

No problem, any time. I used to edit papers quite often for others in school. 

[Frost]

I'm talking about in text citation, not the bibliography

The specific quotation requires a work cited entry based on
where it was obtained from. I can't use basic MLA format for it, which
is why I'm creating a work citation page.  Everything else is just personal
knowledge. Some things that I quote are merely to add emphasis, not actual 
cited works. Your right though, it absolutely needs to be cited upon final release.

[Foxglove]

I just skimmed these posts, but I would not recommend using the first person. Most of my professors detested it even if it was your opinion.

[Moogle]

Your essay reminds of

loool.

[Frost]

I just skimmed these posts, but I would not recommend using the first person. Most of my professors detested it even if it was your opinion.

This isn't an essay or required for any class. It's merely just something I wrote on my own time.
It wasn't intended to be some amazing article, just the opinion of an American Citizen.

[BarbWired]

I had some free time, so I went through and made notes and edits in your essay. You can ignore them if you would like.

Red sentence = Not a complete sentence.
Bold words = Words that I changed from the original document.
Underlined words = Words you should change in your essay.
Crossed-out words = Words you should remove from your essay.

Few notes: Try not to use contractions in essays. Spell out each word. Your essay is missing a thesis statement, and it kinda jumps around on topics. Otherwise, it is great.

Hoped I helped some.  

In regard to Suns' edits, it is perfectly ok to use the first person "i" in an essay, albeit briefly and relating to a personal experience; when expressing opinion it's much better to use third person. 
If using an anecdote to aid your thesis-the only thesis I saw was that america is degrading and something has to be done...but you leave out WHAT needs to be done and HOW-id using an anecdote, it is ok to use the first person, but avoid using first or second person throughout the rest of the essay. Accomplished writers may use first/second person in the essay to dramatize parts, but otherwise stick to third person-you need no dramatization. On a side note- too many rhetorical questions. State a question; give an answer.
GL and hope this helped

[Suns]

I was just taught to never use "I" or "me" in an essay, unless it is about the writer. Different people write differently, I just edited what I was able to see haha.

[Rumi]

I was just taught to never use "I" or "me" in an essay, unless it is about the writer. Different people write differently, I just edited what I was able to see haha.

ye I was taught the same thing in high school lol.  but then I get to college and practically all the essays I'm reading in the anthologies have "I" and "me" in them and I was like wat

I guess some professors are still picky about that, which is stupid I think since a lot of students absolutely butcher their writing into something a lot more difficult to understand in the attempt to make it third-person only

[Frost]

I was just taught to never use "I" or "me" in an essay, unless it is about the writer. Different people write differently, I just edited what I was able to see haha.

Your exactly right.

[BarbWired]

ye I was taught the same thing in high school lol.  but then I get to college and practically all the essays I'm reading in the anthologies have "I" and "me" in them and I was like wat

I guess some professors are still picky about that, which is stupid I think since a lot of students absolutely butcher their writing into something a lot more difficult to understand in the attempt to make it third-person only

The third person is introduced so that the student doesnt write "i believe, i think, etc" Instead the student writes something like "X shows that Y is THIS and etc" showing a bit of a linear structure, which is why it is usually good writers who incorporate the first person into their essays in an eloquent manner.

[Rumi]

The third person is introduced so that the student doesnt write "i believe, i think, etc" Instead the student writes something like "X shows that Y is THIS and etc" showing a bit of a linear structure, which is why it is usually good writers who incorporate the first person into their essays in an eloquent manner.

ye I understand that, my point was mostly directed towards the college professors that still take points away from it even if it's used in the right way

[FMP]

Europe is doomd boys wait 30years for all these refugees to make multiply by 15 kids each family and start taking territories which dont belong to them

no?   

[Calamity]

I had some free time, so I went through and made notes and edits in your essay. You can ignore them if you would like.

Red sentence = Not a complete sentence.
Bold words = Words that I changed from the original document.
Underlined words = Words you should change in your essay.
Crossed-out words = Words you should remove from your essay.

Few notes: Try not to use contractions in essays. Spell out each word. Your essay is missing a thesis statement, and it kinda jumps around on topics. Otherwise, it is great.

Hoped I helped some.  

This...this is the real savage... grammar nazi on forums.

However you should watch this.

I really dunno what you wrote, all i read was some QQing about jimmy kimmel talking bout youtube gaming and getting death threats, freedom of speech and some random shit bout voting and political corruption